we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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