i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
