defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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