have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
