Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
