Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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