Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
