atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
