grandma shit on top of the toilet
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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