he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
