Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
