I'm lost and stupid without you.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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