shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
