I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
