why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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