I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
