My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
