your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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