Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
