Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
