Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
