i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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