Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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