In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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