Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
