Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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