I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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