Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
