My cat gives me a boner
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
