I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
