It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
