and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
