I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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