the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
