____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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