i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
