i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
