we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
