Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is the high leading the old right now
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
