i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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