Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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