Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
