if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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