drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
