We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
