$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
