Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
