I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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