I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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