Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
